the bad feeling so bad makes the good so good

Disclaimer: feel free to skip the whining & go straight to the pros & cons of India list 

I have been thinking about this blog post for a while, now. I have never particularly liked India, but I don't dislike it. Most people don't understand why I don't looove India, as it is a privilege to travel here and  it is my homeland. With the buffer of family, it is difficult to really get out and explore. So, my association with  India is restriction, although I believe that I allow this because I am somewhat not entirely comfortable here. People see me and I act like an American--that's what I am. There's really no other way to say it. While I have a cultural understanding of India that Americans don't have, I also lack a great deal of knowledge about how things happen in India (see above: buffer) so I can't claim to be as Indian as much as I can claim being American--and I don't feel like there's anything wrong with that. It's taken me a long time to admit that to myself.

However, despite my own conviction of my personal belonging/heritage/identity, in India, I have no sense of belonging anywhere. No white person thinks I'm American here, because they fail to see me feeling as out of place as they are. Indians can see that I'm doing some things wrong, but aren't ready to make the leap to calling me American. I don't know the customs, I only nod my head up and down and shake it right to left, I'm bad at eating with my hands, I use toilet paper, and I like to say 'please' and 'thank you.'  I believe that because I speak English with an American accent, that people think I'm just being uppity or think I'm dumb and laugh at me when they think I'm not looking or don't understand what is going on (this has happened multiple times). I don't have a place in India and get treated as such.  My missteps are much more difficult to forgive because the assumption is that I should know what I'm doing. Foreigners get treated very well in India; when outsiders come here, they rave about how wonderful everything else. True, outsiders tend to exoticize everything about the country and kind of miss out on some subtle things, but they still come out with a positive view of India. It still sucks being not Indian and not being a foreigner here.

So, the best and worst parts of India. I'll start with the worst, because it's nice to end on a positive note.

taken from "how to use an Indian toilet"

  

CONS: 

• no toilet paper & no soap (this is gross when you realize why there is no TP)
• most parts of the country smell like a toilet
• people stare openly
• people try to feed you until you die/are overly concerned with what & when you eat
• no peanut butter
• men are openly creepy
• there is no such thing as phone etiquette--that is not a cultural value statement
• Indians will always challenge what you say, even when it's inappropriate, just to prove their skepticism outwardly
• generally, the Indians are quite racist (rude to Africans & fall all over white people)
• traffic
• no toilet paper 
• I'm not allowed to travel anywhere alone (unless it's by plane) 
• no one understands my American accent 
• people only use the gym for like 20 min, although it's kind of a pro because it makes my normal 50 min workout look really badass (it's not)
• the electricity goes out 3-5 times an evening 
• Tamil & Kannda sound really aggressive and strange to me
• people straight up SHOUT on the phone. I wish I could emphasis how startling it is, but it's something you have to hear for yourself
• puking adventures in Banares/double pneumonia in Dehradun 
• people are obsessed with hierarchy and "suhs" and "madddums" 
• caste system in general (quite visible) 
• cotton mattresses are hard and not fun to sleep on
• I am pale & fat 
• no dryers/fabric softener
• no toilet paper 
• no booty shorts/mini skirts allowed 
• picking your nose, spitting, brushing your teeth with you finger, weird body sounds in general ok in public (although this could be a pro for some people visiting India)
• women are definitely not equal by any means (must be modest, must be unseen, always show deference to men blah blah blah) 

PROS:

there's a 4th passenger up front!

• this is a really crappy pro, but I kind of feel colonial here, which isn't something you can really complain about
• the sound of light switches
• you don't have to feel like Jason Bourne every time you take a cold shower
• pepsi, soft drinks, etc are made with natural sugar (but a LOT.. like 60g/bottle a lot)
• you send your clothes out to be washed & pressed 
• chocolate doesn't have corn syrup (but it has hydrogenated veg fat, also known as "trans fat" but it tastes AWESOME)
• mangoes
• food in general  
• even though it takes a while for people to warm up to you, they are quite friendly once they finally do
• shopping is cheapo (unless it's imported, I'm looking at you $13 (Rs. 595) I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!) 
• not weird to see mosques & burka-clad women everywhere or people with tilaka on their foreheads   
• Gandhi's face is on money & the bills are different sizes, making it disability friendly
• the air (when it doesn't smell like piss) smells like jasmine & coconuts from the ladies' hair
• god/temples everywhere
• ladies in saris on the backs of motorcycles
• mustaches (this one goes out to the ladies as well) 
• the weather in Bangalore is perfect (mid 70s-mid 80s. Not terribly sunny & no need for AC) 
• chai 8-20 times a day 
• weird colonial influences that makes everything seem east/west-ish (also the reason Wes Anderson <3s India)

That's about it.  I still have a month & a half so maybe things will get better or I'll get the hang of things.